Little Jimmy has a sup of what he shouldn’t have supped and is off on a mad ride through the universe.
Have fun!
A Potent Potion of Phenomenal Potential
Q Woods
Jimmy Aloysius Jacob McDaid
Was one day sent to his to his great aunt May
Here is that story on this page laid
Of the events that occurred on that fateful day.
*
She lived in Scotland
Way over some hills
In order to get there
Demanded some skills.
*
After two days walking
He was half dead
He finally came
To her homestead.
*
Little did he know that
She was quite old
And his mother had told him
Not to be bold
*
Arms open wide she welcomed him in
With a ferocious din,
as pots went flying
crockery tumbling, and cutlery clattering
and cats being flung in the bin.
*
You see Great Aunt May was quite blind
And though she smiled and winked and was ever so kind.
She stumbled about and knocked things behind.
*
But when it came
For him to be fed
His great aunt may
Was already in bed.
*
And when he asked:
‘Aunty, what should I do?’
She replied:
‘Good boy Jimmy, have you been to the loo?
*
She was also quite deaf.
*
Now Jimmy’s great uncle,
Sadly deceased,
Had been a rather famous
Chemical scientist.
*
His funny experiments
resulted in death
he’d blown himself up
on a bottle of meths.
*
His aunt was so sad
so she dug a big hole
and buried him there
marked with a pole.
*
Well, Jimmy was becoming very hungry,
grumbling was felt in his tummy.
A search he decided to undertake
Hoping to find even the smallest cake.
*
He searched all the rooms
But to no avail.
Today there’ll be nothing
at the at the end of the trail.
*
There was one more door
Into a dark cellar
and he lit a big candle
so he could see better.
*
In a corner
There was an old cupboard
the door on its hinge
Swung backward and forward.
*
He stuck in his head,
Peered to the back
And spied a green jar
With a label in black
*
‘Therein I see, ‘tis true I think
That maybe there’s something in here to drink.
My tummy is rumbling,
My tongue is all dry
Great Aunty’s in bed,
‘I’ll give it a try.’
*
He drank all the contents
Without much care,
But the label had said
‘You’d better beware,
For in this jar is a powerful potion,
That is far stronger than your common hair lotion.
One drop of this will increase your size
In direct proportion to the length of your stride!!!@*#!’
*
But Jimmy never did learn to read
School to him was a terrible deed.
*
His thirst satisfied
He gave up his search
And went to the garden
with a view of a church
*
He lay on the grass
That felt so deep
And promptly fell
Into a deep, deep sleep.
*
The sun did shine
Some cats did whine.
It was peaceful for
That moment in time.
*
Then, all at once,
Without a warning,
Jimmy woke up,
Something was stirring.
*
He stood up straight
And felt a twang
His tummy rumbled
His hands he fumbled
His eyes, he wondered
Why did they tumble?
Then there came a certain pang
It must be connected to that twang.
*
He took one step,
And it couldn’t be denied,
He’d grown proportionately to his stride!
*
From four foot three
To five foot four
He’d increased by a third he was before.
*
Looking down, he thought
His feet felt fine
However, they looked
far larger than a nine.
*
His hands too
Were long and extended.
Was it true that
he’d expanded?
*
One more step proved him right.
Immediately he took fright
And ran quickly to the house.
But it was too late
He was thirty foot eight!
*
‘Oh no!’ He cried,
‘Great aunty please!’
He shouted from the chimneys.
*
But dear aunt May,
She was asleep.
In her mind
She was counting sheep.
*
‘To home!’ He thought,
And he ran with speed
But in no time at all
He was 800 foot tall.
*
Five steps later
His head did breeze
Some high flying clouds
That made him sneeze.
*
He looked down below
Way underfoot
And saw his hometown
Squashed by his boot.
*
Two more steps
And his nose did sniff
The ozone’s layer
soupy whiff.
*
His feet by now were in the Atlantic.
The worlds shipping were going frantic.
For when he stepped, great waves were sent
Flooding the coasts of continents.
*
Well all this water swishing around,
Was suggesting something very unsound.
‘Oh dear!’ he moaned.
It was plain to see,
‘I have to go for a pee!
But the consequences of my spillage
Would cause incomprehensible damage.’
*
‘Gallons of pee
Would run out of me
Poisoning all the fish in the sea,
flooding cities
Ruining beeches,
I can see them now
All beseech me!’
*
Desperate measures had to be taken,
Lest the world was forsaken.
*
So amid all this horrid din,
Only one option occurred to him,
And off the Earth did he step,
Taking one almighty breath.
*
His head did peak,
Not without fear,
Up and through
the stratosphere.
*
A leg did stretch
Out of the ocean
But not before growing
in direct proportion.
*
Into space he leapt,
It was by no means and easy feat.
Like diving off a diving board,
Into the darkness he did soar.
*
But happily for him instead of death
He found he didn’t need his breath
Once his lungs did exhale
He didn’t bother to inhale.
*
One more lurch into space,
He stopped and turned about to face
The little blue earth that spun with grace
He thought:
‘My, my it is a disgrace
How all that lovely blue is ruined
With dirty spots of oily pollutant
And the sky a hazy smoky smog
Would choke to death the most wretched dog.’
*
Outside the Earth he was suspended
(By now he was eight times its size.)
And for reasons very sentimental,
He thought he say his last goodbyes.
*
In order to have a closer look
his head into the clouds he plunged.
But nasal hairs were slightly tickled
When clouds into his nostrils lunged.
*
Now, because he was so far away,
He didn’t hear the human cries
Nor see the very deep impression
That he had left with this excursion.
*
The deep blue sky was punctuated
By a nose that looked quite elongated.
And the plain and simple earthly folk
Confused this nose with that of god’s.
*
Upon their knees they did fall
And worshipped that nose with their all.
But Jimmy wasn’t at all aware,
He didn’t even really care.
*
So when he felt a nasal blockage,
With his finger he did rummage,
And in the corners of his nose
Out he scooped a terrible tonnage.
*
This event went down in history
As the greening of the Earth.
*
For many Earthlings one thing was noted,
‘God on us has not doted!’
They decided on some drastic measures,
And never again was the bible quoted.
*
Jimmy left the Earth
On its journey round the sun
A rather simple orbit
That doesn’t hold much fun.
*
He turned and stretched a bony leg
Into the crystal space,
Forgot the spinning Earth
And left the human race.
*
He stared into the abyss of space and all of what is
And glared with wonder:
The shiny stars, the fiery suns, the spray of cosmic sparkle,
Space was not so empty, but filled with fabulous startle.
*
To his right a beautiful plume of frizzing fire, and liquid light
shooting through the dark with licks of shimmering glow,
and glimmers of strange and mighty shapes and forms
hanging in the cosmic expanse, above and below.
*
The effervescent universe was a sight to behold.
*
But the cosmic order was not all peace,
And ruptures and rumblings he felt.
As he floated there in darkness
Around him eruptions were about to be dealt.
*
In the distance to his right
Two Black Holes were having a fight.
For possession of a Quasar
To the death they would spar.
*
With proton swords and tronic shields
And weapons most fantastic,
They clashed upon the plains of space
The effect was immeasurably drastic.
*
All this dreadful destruction
Was causing quite a commotion,
And a number of Virtual Photons
Were disturbed in their devotions.
*
So off they set, most indignantly
To right the wrongs of space.
The Supernova they would meet
High King of the races of Space.
*
Meanwhile, a thousand throbbing Pulsars
On passing saw the fight
Gathered on the periphery
To watch it with delight.
*
With shouts and cheers, sometimes sneers,
They sat and watched the spectacle.
The two Black Holes saw this gall
And found it most incredible.
*
So they ate the throbbing Pulsars,
Devouring them complete,
And ignored the little protests
that Pulsars are apt to bleat.
*
Jimmy took great notice
And hid himself away,
Snuck behind an planet
Far from the field of play.
*
The battle resumed
Space was doomed
The black holes thrashed it out.
*
Their smashes knew no mercy,
Their tactics dastardly.
All of space took fright
In the face of all this might.
*
Then quite suddenly, the Supernova,
With its court of infinite grace,
Appeared before the battlers
And put the wrongs to right in space.
*
The happy Virtual Photons
Went back to their devotions
And the two Black Holes were punished,
Forever were they banished.
*
The frightened little Quasar
Puffed hot gas in relief,
But its smile was quickly wiped away
When they found it was a thief.
*
So they banished it as well.
*
Jimmy left the court
To its mighty deliberations
And turned about the other way
Passing many constellations.
*
Suddenly:
A storm of Warrior Comets
Caught him with their tails
That wrapped around his armpits
And hurt him with their nails.
*
Into the darkest edge of space
They dragged him to a part
Where a very special ceremony
Was just about to start.
*
The snarling little Comets,
To a pole he was tethered
And as a form of torture
He was tickled with a feather.
*
But then the sound of trumpets
Were piped from a distance
And there emerged a figure
Queen Comet of all elegance.
*
She wore a crown of sparkles,
Her tail a wonder plume
Of bursting little fireballs
And flowers in full bloom.
*
Around her shining tail
Starlights held it up
They cruised to the alter
Where Jimmy was tied up.
*
He wrenched and pulled his arms and legs
Till he became worried,
When suddenly he realised:
He was to be married!
*
One mighty wrench of his wrist
Released him from the long pole’s grip,
And just before the ceremony
Away quietly did he slip.
*
‘There is no time to waste’ He thought,
Speeding off into space.
The Angry Comet Queen hissed,
The Warriors gave chase.
*
With leaps and bounds
He covered much ground.
The Comets were fast upon him.
*
Their fiery tails
Left sizzling trails
That whipped and slashed behind them.
*
For Jimmy all this leaping about
Could only spell the Comets demise
Due to the potions potent dosage
He had grown so much in size.
*
The Warrior Comets were brave
And faced with incredible odds,
They tried a plan of recapture,
But Jimmy all over them trod.
*
His size was quite magnificent,
And and up, up he stood,
and swept away the Comets
Out of the neighbourhood.
*
In his pocket he kept a few
As a memory
He liked the way they squirmed about
In horrid misery.
*
All this rapid exertion
Jimmy found quite taxing.
So, he searched about for a suitable spot
Where he might do some relaxing.
*
He looked about
Only to find
The Milky Way
Around him twinned.
*
He lay upon its milky hue
And floated on its plasma.
Stars about him orbited
Food was on the agenda.
*
With his hands he scooped
Great clumps of sugary Milky Way
Oceans of Galaxies
And clods of nebulae.
*
He munched and crunched the Universe
Great armfuls did he stuff
Into his hungry gob.
He could not eat enough
Of this lovely, starry stuff.
*
When suddenly, his mother,
Turned on the electric light and said as only mothers say
‘B' the Lord Henry Grey,
Wee Jimmy McDaid,
Would you look at the mess
That you’ve just made!’
Wee Jimmy did look a sight,
Standing on the bed,
With a pillow in his mouth,
And a hundred thousand feathers
About his munching head.
END
